My Message to Boris...
is dont breath heavy while getting close to a girl's neck, staring at her in silence. It's not really the key to a girl's heart.
I was out with some people on friday night and a young man named boris did this to a friend of mine, LSM. After my friend awkwardly turned the other way and pretened not to notice he was breathing on her and s taring into her neck for 5 minutes, he said to me in his super-nerdy nasal voice, "I don't think your friend likes me." Being the bad, bad, bitch that I am, " I said yeah ask her if she likes you or not." She was just kinda like go away. Then I thought to myself, "for fuck's sakes, boy are so retarded at talking to girls, I am going to go over there and set this boy straight." I did so.
I approached him and just politely said, "What you were doing to my friend was creepy and if you want to know what to do, you should smile be friendly and say what's up?." He's like, that doesnt work fore me. Then his friend and he started talking at me so fast while I was speaking. So then I'm all"Alright, first of all let a girl a speak! whats your name?" He was like , "Mmmmoorrrrrriiiiis" and then I said, "so you say..Hi I am Morris.." and he was like, "No, the name is bmbmbmbmoorrriisss." I was just like, "whatever yeltsen, better luck next time."
Then I got to thinking (rare, very rare): what the eff is a good way to pick up girls? I just don't know cause every example I could think of was just cause the guy was cute.. But I have compiled some good examples below:
1. I once got a song dedicated to me at a show. Very very cute, but the guy said they song is dedicated to gj cause i love her. First of all, I just met him that night so "love" is a bad move. Oh yeah and i think he hooked with another girl in front of me the next day. So eff this one, this one is a terrible terrible example.
2. I got this at the gym: "Hey you dropped something!" Then I look around cause I always drop stuff. Then I get, "So come pick me up!" Hey I laughed and smiled! Didn't take his number or anything. He was also cute though. If he was some ugly fat fucktard I would have been pissed. I guess thats shallow but its true.
3. Some guy said he liked my earings and my shirt together. That worked pretty well but Its a little bit entering the too metrosexual thing.
4. I think the best pick up line is nothing but a bit of eye contact though. The girl can do part of the picking up. I'll call it the the "I pick you up" that wins!! Like this recent one, this guy was just smiling and dancing so I told my friends he had a crush on me, loud so that he could hear. Then he started hitting on me. So I think maybe guys should pick up girls that already spotted them, cause then they def have a chance!!Nothing serious.
WAit, I actually I dont know shit about this subject. But I do know is what not to do:
1. Do not, I say DO NOT ask a girl to make out with her friend. Its stupid, boring and super lame. Unless you are a frat boy at a state school in the middle of nowhere, then go ahead youll get some.
2. If a girl tells you she puked in the bathroom, just give up and let her go. Unless her friends left her their to die alone. (happened to me in london, god just leave me alone I am barfing)
3. Dont be Boris.
yes yes y'all. I am outa here so fast.
Love, GJ
I was out with some people on friday night and a young man named boris did this to a friend of mine, LSM. After my friend awkwardly turned the other way and pretened not to notice he was breathing on her and s taring into her neck for 5 minutes, he said to me in his super-nerdy nasal voice, "I don't think your friend likes me." Being the bad, bad, bitch that I am, " I said yeah ask her if she likes you or not." She was just kinda like go away. Then I thought to myself, "for fuck's sakes, boy are so retarded at talking to girls, I am going to go over there and set this boy straight." I did so.
I approached him and just politely said, "What you were doing to my friend was creepy and if you want to know what to do, you should smile be friendly and say what's up?." He's like, that doesnt work fore me. Then his friend and he started talking at me so fast while I was speaking. So then I'm all"Alright, first of all let a girl a speak! whats your name?" He was like , "Mmmmoorrrrrriiiiis" and then I said, "so you say..Hi I am Morris.." and he was like, "No, the name is bmbmbmbmoorrriisss." I was just like, "whatever yeltsen, better luck next time."
Then I got to thinking (rare, very rare): what the eff is a good way to pick up girls? I just don't know cause every example I could think of was just cause the guy was cute.. But I have compiled some good examples below:
1. I once got a song dedicated to me at a show. Very very cute, but the guy said they song is dedicated to gj cause i love her. First of all, I just met him that night so "love" is a bad move. Oh yeah and i think he hooked with another girl in front of me the next day. So eff this one, this one is a terrible terrible example.
2. I got this at the gym: "Hey you dropped something!" Then I look around cause I always drop stuff. Then I get, "So come pick me up!" Hey I laughed and smiled! Didn't take his number or anything. He was also cute though. If he was some ugly fat fucktard I would have been pissed. I guess thats shallow but its true.
3. Some guy said he liked my earings and my shirt together. That worked pretty well but Its a little bit entering the too metrosexual thing.
4. I think the best pick up line is nothing but a bit of eye contact though. The girl can do part of the picking up. I'll call it the the "I pick you up" that wins!! Like this recent one, this guy was just smiling and dancing so I told my friends he had a crush on me, loud so that he could hear. Then he started hitting on me. So I think maybe guys should pick up girls that already spotted them, cause then they def have a chance!!Nothing serious.
WAit, I actually I dont know shit about this subject. But I do know is what not to do:
1. Do not, I say DO NOT ask a girl to make out with her friend. Its stupid, boring and super lame. Unless you are a frat boy at a state school in the middle of nowhere, then go ahead youll get some.
2. If a girl tells you she puked in the bathroom, just give up and let her go. Unless her friends left her their to die alone. (happened to me in london, god just leave me alone I am barfing)
3. Dont be Boris.
yes yes y'all. I am outa here so fast.
Love, GJ
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