IT DAWNED ON ME.
...walking/shopping around today, getting cash at the deli, eating the same sandwiches, in the same record stores, shoe stores, book stores, passing movie theaters, same glass of wine at same place...minus Trader Toes (a fairly recent delight)...it dawned on me! I have lived here for 8 years. I hit all 8 of the years in a day. 8 fucking years (with breaks in in other countries). And if I had got preggers by my first lay -the improv comedy guy- (typical- in david brent voice) and kept it (highly unlikely) my kid would be learning the times tables by now.
She would just be figuring how multiples of nine work...holy shit 36, 45, 54, 63. Some of my students are just learning that now AND they have children who just took first shit in their diapers and they are looking for new foster shelters to move to... and there is me, walking around unappreciative -ly around the same streets.
When I was sixteen on my birthday (spoiled) I went to buy bootlegs of PJ Harvey with Lisa Pog on st. Marks. We ate at Yaffa Cafe and bought pink hair dye. I wrote in my journal about how I wanted to visit Japan so badly. Done. I think I imagined myself a 25 yr old woman, all professional but cool living here and I think was all I wanted. Well thats where I am. WEIRD!
I love Phil Collins now and I think I imagined I would. I remember that EEEASSY LOVERRR love song made me disgusted inside but I think imagined I'd like it one day as an adult. So now, I'll imagine myself at 30 - I have a an apt with no loft, richer, still cute, have a record and dvd collection, feat. more Phil Collins and more collections of pictures from other countries, maybe even some real photography, have learned to fly airplanes, two masters degrees maybe a doctoral, and maybe one award for something great, same friends with added new ones, maybe love too.
*she'll get a hold on you believe it
She would just be figuring how multiples of nine work...holy shit 36, 45, 54, 63. Some of my students are just learning that now AND they have children who just took first shit in their diapers and they are looking for new foster shelters to move to... and there is me, walking around unappreciative -ly around the same streets.
When I was sixteen on my birthday (spoiled) I went to buy bootlegs of PJ Harvey with Lisa Pog on st. Marks. We ate at Yaffa Cafe and bought pink hair dye. I wrote in my journal about how I wanted to visit Japan so badly. Done. I think I imagined myself a 25 yr old woman, all professional but cool living here and I think was all I wanted. Well thats where I am. WEIRD!
I love Phil Collins now and I think I imagined I would. I remember that EEEASSY LOVERRR love song made me disgusted inside but I think imagined I'd like it one day as an adult. So now, I'll imagine myself at 30 - I have a an apt with no loft, richer, still cute, have a record and dvd collection, feat. more Phil Collins and more collections of pictures from other countries, maybe even some real photography, have learned to fly airplanes, two masters degrees maybe a doctoral, and maybe one award for something great, same friends with added new ones, maybe love too.
*she'll get a hold on you believe it
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