Zippety-do da.

Yesterday I got to take a zip car to LI for work. It all started off great. I Picked up my white mazda, turned on radio XM, and hit the effing road. Well, I hit the midtown traffic and cursed at it. After I got over the midtown tunnel (zip car even gives you an EZ pass) it was smooth sailing. Complaint: Beyonce’s “check up on it” was on 3 stations at once all day long. WTF? And that godamn “fall out boy”, just shut up already, stop whining!!!. I do like “dirty little secret though!” It’s all good. I am driving along and I get to the destination early, so I decided to drive around the town. And there it was, I saw it glowing, radiating food and fun, just over the train tracks: “****trader joe’s***” Best store ever. So, I crapped in my pants, and pulled over. “What the hey!” thought I. I went to do my shopping. I Got puffins, yogurt, the works. Only came to 20 bucks. Not too bad. I forgot TP though, sorry ARS. I hate people in grocery stores who are mad slow. I just put my shit on the counter, swipe my debit and effing be done with it. You know what I mean?? I HATE SLOW PEOPLE. GET ON WITH IT.

Back on the road. I got to my job and it was cancelled. They said they left a message on Thursday about it. I tell you it’s a rare occasion that I actually receive a message from the boneheads in my office. So I said, Ill just take a new route back and stop off at my own apartment. I get on the Belt Parkway, and start going fast in the left lane. Then this motherfucker in one of those obnoxiously monsterly huge (yoouuu-g) SUVs started tailgating and flashing his (bet it was a dude) lights. So I say fuck that, speed up to 85 and tail gate the one in front of me, cause this motherfucker isn’t passing me. Yeah I endangered my life and risked a speeding ticket, but I needed to beat that mofo. He got off at Staten Island, EW. What a piece of SUV garbage! But I looked like a pussy in the car that says on the back, "wheels when you need them."

Driving normally again, see grandma dolly’s exit. I call her, shes home, so I visit her. We have a cup a tea with her home health aid. My grandma asked me if it was a waste to get one of those 100 dollar bill coins for 4.95. Yes, G-doll, it’s a rip-off to scam poor old grannies like you. Grandma and I have finish up our tea and graham crackers (so g-doll style) and she tells me about all the TP she bought for great prices.

Back to work. I shit you not, my boss comes up to me and says, “I see you’ve been going to many sites, I just want to let you know, that anytime you need, I want you to take full advantage of your zipcar privileges, even is its just to the boroughs of nyc.” I took advantage, alright. He so never knows what I am up to.

Zip me in, zip me up and out.
Love,

GJ

P.S. gj in a zip car, oooohhhh my.